Synnova woke up sort of wack today. I eventually got her to calm down and I believe she was directly apologetic, and she sat on my lap for a while in a deep hug to express that. Today is sort of slow. Rearranging the hall closet and I probably need to fix the SSL certificate for this site as well.
It's been almost two weeks. I have lost 15 pounds in the last 3 days. I quit a personal vice a few days back and the results have been dramatically beneficial to my weight and health. I praise the Lord for this change and for the many years my life will increase. I have started to just naturally eat less and am basically only eating fruits, vegetables, and lean meats. I am also weightlifting 6 days a week, mostly performing pyramid sets. Today I figured out deadlift for the first time. My issue was I was treating it more like a squat, rather than as a 2-part hip hinge. No more shin scraping!
I also spent loads of time with Sunshine. I started my day at 2:45am. Played some games, watched some programming content, then felt sleepy again and joined my family in the bed. This made Sunshine's morning as she LOVES waking to me there. I then made her sad by leaving for workout, but once I returned it was some much needed hangout time with the whole family. I was going to skip storytime, but she knew on her own that it was coming up and directed me to the stroller. We were running late, so I told her we needed to take the car instead, and she nodded in affirmation. We went to the library storytime, then I asked her at one point, "Would you like to see Hailie?" Her response was to IMMEDIATELY rise, walk away from the storytime, and waved bye to the kids. She got distracted by ABC Mouse on the exit, also checking out a kid's magazine for the week. We then went off to the barn, with her falling asleep in the car seat on the way. I watched One Piece while waiting for her to wake. Once woken, we went to see Hailie the horse and Sunshine got to ride her and we talked about some interesting things. I asked her if she thought it was going to rain, as I had a primal feeling about it. She nodded and said "da", her form of yes right now. We talked about where the horse's go when it rains, under the sheds and under the "tree" (which she taught me the sign for). We returned home, attempting a Chick-fil-a stop, but the line was insane at only 2:30pm. Our 20 minute drive instead took 40-45, but she did not mind. We got home and since then have spent a good bit of time reading books, watching Signing Time, some Daniel Tiger, and even some more outdoor play with her beach kit. Now it's about time for bed and she is enthralled with what I am up to.
Mama spent most of her time today figuring out how to get her free birth story shared online with the Free Birth Society. I will discuss in a later blog the shenanigans surrounding Serena's birth certificate.
Keyboard gift from Sunshine: ˇcvgTC4 46b 7cc4 44 67C 464 64)
Harmony is born!
I don't feel valuable. I work 12 hour days, waking up at 4:30am to drive to work and workout. I find myself obese at 275lbs, even as I work out 5 days a week. I am a software engineer, but I don't feel like I am good at it and especially not as good as others seem to feel, while I watch anything joyous about my work disintegrate in front of me. I am a husband, but I don't feel like I am good at it, as I find myself feeling eternally guilty for asking anything more than what is already being given by my household.
I have so many ideas, yet never follow through. I want to start things, like streaming programming, but I let myself feel guilty for having anything that takes time away specifically for me. I finish my work, and then I see the noise of my home clutter, see it is 5pm or so, and have no clue how to proceed.
God values me enough to send His son, His own self incarnate, for my sins. I am not worthy of this gift, but to reject my worth is to reject the work of Christ. Christ is kind and He died for me, resurrected from the grave, and promises resurrection to those who accept His free gift.